Sunday April 24, 2011 I met an angel. He was born around 7 AM weighed 6 lbs 14 oz and was 19.5 inches long. A child so sweet, so innocent and so beautiful. To anyone who has ever given birth to a child knows what true love is. In the world we live in, we always look for perfection. 10 toes, ten fingers, etc.... When the doctor's delivered the news that our little angel was sent to us with some imperfections, it was shock, denial, anger, fear, blame, and a plethora of emotions. If you have ever visited new parents who are faced with accepting a child with imperfections, you can understand the great sadness and fear that filled the hospital room. The burden of sadness, fear and anger was so great, it was impossible to remain untouched by all the emotion. One attempts to remain emotionally strong for those who are devastated. Strength for those who are weak come from those who love them the most and remain strong.
Through this event I've seen the demon of self blame rise to its highest level. The question of why, is repeatedly asked.. why me, why you, why us, why him..... yet no answer to those questions are ever revealed.
The doctors say 1 in 500 children are sent to this world this way. So the "WHY" kicks in again. The struggle to understand, remains an extremely heavy burden. I've noticed that those in our family circles move forward at different intervals to help everyone see the light of this precious little angel. We reach out to mom and dad and form a bond of acceptance and love. The tears must flow as mom and dad work through all the various emotions of having a precious angel sent to them, to care for.
I struggled to see someone I care for so deeply, a strong, grown man cry from the depth of his soul, tears of anger and fear. I am reminded of a strong wind storm, bending the strongest steel. The pain he felt in his heart for his child and then for his wife who struggled with self blame was almost unbearable. I've experienced some very beautiful moments in my life, however, by far the most beautiful was then I heard this daddy say " he is our son, we love him and everything will be okay". He saw the light shining from this little precious angel.
I am amazed at the beauty of family. This is a side note based on something I am feeling right now. Sometimes family really sucks, but sometimes family is really there for you when it matters the most.
I am amazed at my husband. His life has been greatly influenced by this precious little angel. This is what I mean when I say family is really there for you, when it matters the most. He loves his nephew, who is the dad of this precious little angel. He calls him every day, several times a day on the telephone. My husband was excited that a baby boy was coming to join the family. When the news was delivered it was difficult. However, he was the first one after the parents to know the child's fate. He was jolted by the news but remained strong for his nephew. He took that precious little angel in his arms and immediately fell in love with him. He looked forward to the future when he could see this child grow up and have such a fun time with him. I am sure he will ride him on the donkey. He spoke such encouragement and strength and helped his nephew through the most difficult time of his life. The love that was demonstrated was revealed because of a precious little angel.
An angel came from heaven to shine a tiny light, upon his friends and family to help see them through the darkest night. When he came the darkness was extremely thick. He powered on his light and said look at me. Most children are born into the light, but I am born into the darkness. My job is difficult and challenging, yet I was chosen to come and influence the lives of those people in my family and friend circle. I take my first breath of life, relieved that I made it here. Suddenly the noise is deafening, tears and crying all around me, I've only been in my new environment for a few minutes and I sense a wave of rejection and a wall of fear. Suddenly I notice my light getting brighter, as I need to rise above the wave of darkness and rejection. I hear the door open and in walks 2 people that help me calm the waves rising around me. Suddenly I am in the arms of my auntie. She looks at me and catches that first glimpse of my light. Auntie, I am an angel, please help me, help those around me. They say I am not normal, auntie what does that mean? Why is there a flood of tears flowing from my mothers eyes? Why is my daddy so upset. Auntie, please tell them I need as much love as a mother and father can give, and besides that, I am special because I am an angel.
My life is forever changed, because I met an angel. I held him in my arms and kissed his tiny face.
